Just a warning, but this is going to be a loooooong post. I’ve been putting off blogging for a while (no particular reason, just didn’t get around to it) that I even made a list should I ever finally find the time to sit down and write a semi-thoughtful post. So on the agenda today:
- Friday Funnies
- Living alone
- Rules of the road
- Portfolio
Friday Funnies
Once again, got this from my coworker…
Wal-Mart Husband
Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists that her husband go with her to Wal-Mart, but he gets bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.
Here’s a letter sent to Mrs. Fenton:
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may have to ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. The complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
Things Mr. Fenton has don while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:
- June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
- July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
- July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
- July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3 in Housewares!” and watched what happened.
- August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.
- September 14: Moved a “CAUTION — WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
- September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’d bring pillows from the bedding department.
- September 23: When a clerk asked if she could help him, he began to cry and ask, “Why can’t you pepole just leave me alone?”
- October 4: looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
- November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knew where the antidepressants were.
- December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously and loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.
- December 6: Int the auto department, practiced his “Madonna look” using different size funnels.
- December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
- December 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!”
And last, but not least, …
- December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “There’s no toilet paper in here!”
Regards,
Wal-Mart Management
Living Alone
Yeah it’s my first time living alone, and I’m sure I had some huge underlying message that I wanted to get out about it, but I forgot what that theme was.
Rules of the Road
This one is still a work in progress. I’m going to make a list of 10 things that completely fucking irritate me about people driving, and I’m going to set some rules for them to follow, because they’re pissing me off. More to come in a later post.
Portfolio Update
I finally found something that I liked for my “portfolio” section. It used to link to my photos page in Zooomr, but I wanted something more personalized and attached to my blog. I came across a cool interface built by … ack, I neither have the site or the author’s name handy right now, and I’m too lazy to look it up. But it’s called Lightbox, and if you go to my links page and look under “In this blog,” you’ll find a link to Lightbox. I’ll still have most/all my pictures stored on Zooomr and Facebook, but I’ll post good pictures, or pictures that I really like, on my blog.
Why do they call me princess??
I was at McDonald’s for lunch with some coworkers when the subject of grad school came up. I should probably give some background and say that most if not all of the people I work with have a masters, and when I told Tim and Liz that I didn’t want a master’s, Liz got into a huff about it. I don’t see what the big deal is, I mean, I gave it my five weeks and decided it wasn’t for me. But I did some more thinking as to why I didn’t continue my master’s. My conclusion is that, aside from the 3-hour classes twice a week from 7-10pm, I was completely unmotivated. I didn’t know anyone in my class, not that it should be a factor, but it was. And the last straw that broke my back? It was when my prof told us that we couldn’t have a cheat sheet for our midterm and finals. No cheat sheet? Fuck that. I know, it makes me look like a pansy. But I’ve been spoiled by my small undergraduate, private engineering college where professors hold your hand through classes and you get open book tests. No cheat sheet? Not even one page? I was discouraged, and called it a quarter.
And that’s why they call me princess (among other reasons which we won’t get into right now).